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Parenting is highly respected in society, with significant support systems in place such as baby showers and paid time off for parents. Recently, the diversity, equity, and inclusion committee at my university discussed advocating for the construction of lactation stations for single parents among the student population. As a childfree-by-choice individual, I fully support this initiative. I believe that single parenting is incredibly admirable, and even with a partner, parenting is a challenging endeavor. However, I have noticed disparities in the way employers treat parents compared to those without children, whether they are childless or childfree (there is a distinction).
It is evident in the media how much controversy JD Vance’s comments about “childless cat ladies” have stirred up. As a childfree cat guy, I stand in solidarity with childless and childfree individuals. Nonetheless, I am aware of the microaggressions that can be directed towards childfree individuals, such as those listed on a bingo card.
For instance, I once mentioned feeling tired, and a colleague responded by saying, “I was up at five this morning because of my kid! You don’t know what tired is!” This incident highlighted the assumption that childfree individuals cannot experience fatigue, even if the cause is not related to caring for a child.
Childfree individuals are not uncommon in higher education. In a landscape where diversity, equity, and inclusion are key priorities, the experiences of those without children, whether by choice or circumstance, should be part of the conversation. I reached out to the Higher Ed Learning Collective, a Facebook group, seeking input on institutional policies that may favor parents over childfree/childless individuals and instances of microaggressions towards the latter group. Several patterns emerged from the responses.
Scheduling Preferences
Parents often receive scheduling preferences due to having families, implying that childfree/childless individuals do not have equally busy or significant personal lives outside of work. Many faculty members shared similar experiences.
Free/Reduced Tuition
While many universities offer free or reduced tuition for employees’ children, childfree individuals may not have the same benefits extended to their nieces or nephews. One suggestion was to allow childfree individuals to sponsor scholarships for students.
Obligatory Baby Shower Contributions
Some individuals expressed discomfort with obligatory contributions towards baby showers, questioning why similar celebrations were not held for personal milestones such as receiving tenure. This disparity in treatment was noted as inequitable.
Microaggressions
Childfree individuals reported receiving comments like “You’ll change your mind” or “it’s different when they’re your own,” as well as being assigned additional workload under the assumption that they have more free time due to not having children at home.
It is essential to acknowledge that childless/childfree individuals can also contribute positively in certain contexts. For example, one faculty member who preferred teaching in the evenings due to being a night owl found appreciation from colleagues with children for taking on evening classes.
There is hope for inclusivity in our educational institutions. A gerontology professor shared her experiences of being criticized for being childfree while teaching courses in human development. She emphasized that understanding a subject does not always require personal experience and advocated for educating students on the distinctions between being childless and childfree.
The childfree/childless population deserves recognition in diversity, equity, and inclusion discussions. Some individuals may not be able to have children due to various reasons, including trauma, while others simply choose not to have children, a decision that should be respected without judgement. If lifestyle choices are acknowledged and rewarded in employment benefits, such as additional insurance for a spouse, then the choice not to have children should also be considered equally valid.
I appreciate the allyship of parents in advocating for equity. One academic mother offered valuable advice for childfree/childless individuals to assert their boundaries by creating a “baby in their mind” as a reason for declining certain requests. This tactic allows childfree individuals to prioritize their commitments, just as parents do with their children.
As a cat dad myself, I believe it is crucial to recognize and respect the choices and experiences of childfree/childless individuals in all aspects of life.
Craig Wynne is an associate professor of English at the University of the District of Columbia.