Alex Van Halen expresses that he is still processing his relationship with his brother Eddie.

For the past few years, Alex Van Halen has been immersed in writing a book about his beloved brother, Eddie, with the sincere intention of capturing his sibling’s essence, releasing his own grief, and moving forward.

However, things haven’t gone as planned. “I’m still grappling with this,” he admitted. “In fact, I’ll probably be grappling with it until the end of my days.”

In the meantime, he has been processing his sorrow by occasionally speaking to his departed brother, even during our conversation. Throughout our hour-long chat, the 71-year-old drummer directly addressed his late brother, praising him lavishly at times and expressing anger at his self-destructive behavior that, in his view, contributed to his demise. “It may not be spiritually or psychically correct to say this,” he said fervently, “but if Ed had listened to our dad, he’d still be here. Instead, he did everything in his power to ruin that.”

The lessons Alex refers to from their father revolved around the value of hard work, the importance of cherishing life, and the necessity of gracefully embracing one’s talents. Alex believes that his brother ultimately failed to uphold the last of those ideals, which is why his book, titled Brothers, contains passages where he confronts his sibling’s spirit with questions like: “Do you realize how fortunate we are? Do you understand how lucky you were to be born with a talent? Perhaps you never believed you deserved your gift, and that’s why you engaged in self-destructive behavior,” he wrote. “You want to destroy the most precious thing to you, so you can let go of it.”

These passages make Brothers a profoundly emotional read and a detailed psychological portrait of a family dynamic that significantly shaped both brothers’ lives. Throughout the interview, Alex mentioned their father nearly a dozen times. “We owe everything to him,” he remarked. “He was our icon, the one we revered.”

Their father was also the one they feared, and whose struggles with alcohol influenced their own. The story that unfolds in Brothers is far more intricate than even the author may have initially intended. It delves into the power of familial love, the enigma of genius embodied by Eddie’s groundbreaking guitar techniques, and the immigrant experience in America, with its attendant issues of race and class. Simultaneously, it’s a tale of rock ‘n’ roll excess, recounted with the irreverent humor that one would expect from a band synonymous with “partying.”

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From the outset, the Van Halen brothers were a tight-knit duo of outsiders who, through their music, carved a path into the cultural zeitgeist, becoming one of the most internationally successful rock bands of all time. Their parents were also outsiders, straddling different cultures. Their father, a Dutch jazz musician, met their Indonesian mother in her homeland, where they married. Confronted with prejudice due to their interracial union, they chose to raise their family in the Netherlands before immigrating to Los Angeles in pursuit of the American dream. At the age of eight, Alex and six, Ed, arrived in a new country without speaking a word of English. They quickly adapted to the new culture, but struggled in school, particularly with language tests. “Our scores were always lowest in language,” Alex recalled.

Ed took this to heart, convinced of his lack of intelligence. According to Alex, Ed internalized all feedback, whether positive or negative, while his older brother brushed off criticism. Despite being biracial, Alex noted that they did not face much prejudice in their diverse neighborhood. “It was Indian, Hispanic, Native American, you name it,” he remarked. “Our first bass player was Black.”

Their biracial identity never became a topic of discussion, even after they achieved global fame. As outsiders, they understood the power and pain of “passing.” “If you don’t mention it, I won’t either,” Alex said with a wry smile. “That’s how it goes.”

Within the family, the boys had defined roles, with Alex serving as the tough protector of the sensitive Ed. Being the elder sibling, Alex had a closer bond with their father, a dynamic that both annoyed Ed and stoked his competitive spirit. Ed also felt belittled by their mother’s strict standards, which sometimes led her to harshly judge her younger son. Alex writes that Ed often felt like “a nobody” in her eyes, despite her profound love for him. Their mother pushed them both to study music, but focused on classical rather than the rock ‘n’ roll they adored. Her insistence on classical music stemmed from a desire for “respectable culture,” seeking acceptance in the white world, according to Alex. This is why she continued to view Van Halen’s raucous music as “a disgrace” until her final days.

In an effort to attain respectability, the family always referred to Ed as Edward, a name he used on all the band’s album credits. “He couldn’t stand being called ‘Eddie,'” Alex explained.

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The family faced financial struggles, leading their father to work multiple jobs, including a factory where teenage Alex also worked. There, he observed stark class and race divides. “There wasn’t a single white person working there,” he noted.

Alex paints a loving yet gritty portrait of his family, where the men sometimes reacted violently to each other. Despite their tough interactions, Alex harbors no bitterness. Idolizing their father, the boys emulated his drinking habits from a young age. “We were ‘pros’ by the time we were 13,” Alex boasted.

The low social status of their parents fueled a fierce determination in the sons to achieve success at all costs. Inspired by the music of Cream and Led Zeppelin, they would “play from the moment we woke up until the moment we went to sleep,” Alex recalled.

With their unwavering work ethic and the massive success it brought, the Van Halen saga epitomizes the immigrant dream. Consequently, Alex finds the current political rhetoric targeting immigrants “offensive.”

As teenagers, the brothers formed Van Halen with bassist Michael Anthony and singer David Lee Roth. Differences soon emerged between the music-focused brothers and Roth, who gravitated more towards the flamboyant entertainer role. Despite cringing at Roth’s clownish antics, the brothers recognized their commercial appeal and went along with it. In the book, Alex frequently criticizes Roth’s vocal abilities, claiming he struggled with timing and pitch. When they recorded their debut album in 1978, their producer Ted Templeman considered replacing Roth with Sammy Hagar. This sparked conflicts with Templeman, who wanted a more polished sound, while the brothers sought a raw, improvisational style akin to Led Zeppelin II.

Their first album was a hit, but a poor contract with Warner Bros left them $2 million in debt after a successful tour. Their subsequent albums enjoyed commercial success, but tensions began to surface internally. Alex barely mentions bassist Anthony in the book, praising him more for his backing vocals than his bass playing. Despite calling Anthony “a great guy,” Alex acknowledges that he wasn’t a central figure in the band.

Roth’s desire for the spotlight and focus on showmanship over musical quality frustrated the brothers, exacerbated by what they perceived as his jealousy towards Ed’s creative prowess. Ed felt constrained by Templeman’s resistance to his solos and even questioned tracks like “Jump,” a chart-topping hit that neither producer nor Roth initially valued. The band’s internal conflicts reached a climax when Ed recorded a solo for Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” without informing the others. Alex’s response was one of disbelief and admonishment, warning Ed not to squander his talent on others.

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According to Alex, Roth used Ed’s solo venture as a pretext to leave the band. Despite Roth’s subsequent success in music and entertainment, the spiritual essence of the band vanished when he departed. Alex concludes his book in 1985, the year Roth left. Although Van Halen achieved further success with Hagar as the frontman, the drummer dismisses Hagar’s critical book about their time together, attributing it to jealousy and insecurity.

With Ed’s passing, Van Halen ceased to exist, though Alex hopes to release unreleased music from his brother. This endeavor serves as a welcomed distraction from his grief. Alex’s anger towards his brother for not taking his cancer seriously poses an additional challenge in his grieving process. When Ed was diagnosed with tongue cancer in 2000, he opted for a risky surgical procedure rather than seeking proper medical treatment. “Ed, what were you thinking?” Alex expressed his frustration.

Alex attributes Ed’s cavalier attitude towards health to a sense of invincibility fueled by his drug use. Despite Ed’s ability to withstand substances that would incapacitate others, this same resilience may have led him to believe he was immune to illness. Ed’s death at 65, a year younger than their father when he succumbed to alcoholism, underscores the tragedy of his untimely passing. “He needed to prove something,” Alex reflected.

“Maybe he knew something we didn’t,” Alex mused. “Perhaps he was just passing through. Ed was an angel in human form.”

Above all, Alex wants people to recognize his brother’s angelic essence. This belief, along with the conviction that Ed lives on in some form, brings solace to Alex as he navigates his grief. “The last living individual carries the entire family within them,” he remarked. “I don’t know if our limited minds can comprehend it, but they are there. And I am definitely on the lookout.”

Brothers by Alex Van Halen is set for release on October 22nd (HarperCollins Publishers, £22). To support the Guardian and Observer, you can pre-order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.